"Will I be forgiven."

Can I still get into heaven if the pain ends by my own hands?
If I'm too tired to wait
For the peace to arrive in it's own.
Will the gates close
Because I lost the strength to keep bleeding?
For another sunrise that felt like a lie?

Will they call it a sin,
My silence,
My slipping.

I've been greedy with my solitude,
Lazy with my breath,
Angry at the world that never softened for me.

Will I be forgiven for the things I couldn't carry?

I'm not trying to carry onto this weight.
I'm not trying to disappear.
Not really, anyways.

I just want to be held by somewhere, where it didn't hurt to exist