I’m staying up much later than I should to avoid the reality that tomorrow will be another day of meaningless obligations and repetitive tasks either for an employer or for done future me who never actually arrives because perceptually I’m always only the present me who is doing the work - never the me in the future who actually benefits from it.

By trying to avoid tomorrow I am fully aware that I am making it worse, I’ll be more tired from staying up and by mood will be shit from spending all night dwelling on these negative thoughts.

Despite this awareness, I persist. Damn it.