i tried to incorporate existentialism into my life but it just didn't work, i found that elements of absurdism fit more into how i view things. but well, saying i'm an absurdist or nihilist or existentialist or anything is just deluding myself into doing the very thing i talked about in my post.

people are free to give their lives meaning at their own scale, i honestly think it's the only way humans can make it through to old age without losing it. that might be why i'm losing it actually, because i just can't hold onto anything without realizing the meaning i'm giving it is fabricated.