nsfw #nsfw and tw grooming

i use to wonder why i never made friends and, along with other mental factors, i realized that the average group of people do not want to talk about sex and fetishes constantly.

it took me this long to realize that my childhood was not something a child should experience.

as a kid, i was consistently groomed by multiple men over several years (9 yo up until maybe 15 or so) and i would spend hours on the computer exclusively watching porn. not even doing anything else, just watching whatever i could find.

now ive found myself desperately crawling for sfw interests just so i could connect with people, not even because i have a genuine interest in it. it's actually very difficult for me to indulge in anything without linking it back to sex. i actually have a few(?) fetishes myself that im not proud of, and never will be reconciling with.