sure this is what you're supposed to say, but most of the people I know don't care enough to ever check up, either people don't take me seriously or they don't want to deal with how intense my emotions can get or I'm just not worth it. so I'm just stuck in a loop of getting my head a bit above water until the next wave hits. like what am I supposed to do blame others for not being there or blame myself for being too miserable to be around? I can't blame anybody but I'm still angry and miserable and sad and I feel betrayed. and realistically I don't see the why things would get any better

I deeply understands you