i completely forgot to talk about my name tho-
sorry about all that yapping! >_<


Basically, the first time I ever felt like I was floating in an abstract soup was when I was studying calculus. My teacher would just tell me to memorize equations and seldom explain what any of it meant. It all felt so arbitrary. I used to love math before this but in those final two years I started to fear math, and hate it because I understood none of it. I still haven't forgiven that teacher btw...both my math teachers during this period were atrocious, or just not the right fit for me. Either way, its taken forever since then to slowly build my way back up and build a good relation with math again, and epsilon is a reminder of the journey I've had with math, plus a reminder that this abstract soup of a world that I live in is just like Calculus - scary at first but beautiful if you give it time and try to truly understand it. Plus epsilon sounds cool too lmao, so there is that.

<3

i relate to not feeling human lmao
in my case, i feel more abstract, or untethered...but even more accurately, I feel like I'm floating in an uncertain space desperately trying to cling onto something solid, something real, especially with the way everything is going in today's world. None of it makes sense and people's lackluster reaction to the atrocities going on makes me feel like im going crazy. To be fair, most people feel helpless against the modern world's chaos but its just interesting because historically we've always done something when things got bad. Historically, humans have always course corrected through a revolution or something but this time, we're all just going along...when's it all gonna come to a boil? What time's the revolution?