Sometimes i write shit like a 70 year old academic and sometimes i write shit like a genuine fucking 12 year old. Why. I'm so fucking scared people will perceive me as a child because i simply cannot form a "normal" phrase in certain conversations.

I fucking hate language as a whole. I'm disgusted by its replacement of my once organic thoughts. Every time i catch myself thinking in a language, be it any language, i want to isolate myself for a decade until i can form actual abstract thoughts again. I like writing SOMETIMES, but having an inner monologue makes me cringe in a way that surpasses the meaning of that word. It means, to me, that my mind is weak and restricted to a simulation of my true ideas. It makes me feel like a failed spirit. Something that isn't truly conscious, and could be killed with no need for remorse.