i don't wanna think about being a girl lately. i don't want to think about myself at all actually. i don't want to remember i'm still alive. what is this feeling? am i dissociating to avoid dysphoria? what the fuck is going on? my friend suggested using she for me and truly tried their best, but it just felt dishonest. like they're just playing along with my fantasies. i feel like shit. i fucking hate my uni, it's 24/7 indoctrination brainwashing festival of russian state propaganda. i feel like everyone around me is a fucking asshole who wants me dead. i'm constantlt irritated to the point a few people told me i "looked like i was about to kill someone". would being a girl actually make me happier? would anything? i'm tired