today was the last day of school. only the exams remain. i have a lot of mixed feelings. the future clearly sucks. i don't know if i'll be able to keep in touch with my friends. idk. it's like i'm in fog.
i may have to go to a prom in a suit. what do i do char? i'd feel like shit if i dressed masc for the literal last time i see my class, but i can't even attempt to pass. this feels like a doomed if you do, doomed if you dont kind of deal. i do want to go, but i've been feeling miserable lately and the prom takes place after the finals. i'll feel even shittier by then.
Is it being impossible to make a user/consumer put in any kind of effort into using your product (mostly referring to software) a part of human nature or a result of the companies reinforsing user ignorance for profit?
I'VE NEVER ONCE IN MY LIFE CARED ABOUT HAVING KIDS, WHY THE FUCK DOES MY BRAIN SUDDENLY BULLY ME WHEN THINKING ABOUT INFERTILITY NOW.
if anything i've always WANTED to be infertile, but for some fucking reason it somehow feels important now, what the fuck!
i've been thinking about hrt lately as you might've guessed and it's so weird. am i just scared of permanent decisions? how did you gals make up your mind about hrt?
tried out the #yggdrasil network and it's super cool! the internet is for people to share! not for 2.5 ISPs and 3 services run by huge companies to milk it for infinite wealth!
also because of the lack of dns and the hobbyists nature of many websites it's got that sense of exploration. going from one page to another, some still under construction, like it's your first time on the internet is awesome!
also ipv6 is a blessing and i will forever crave for it's wider adoption.
yaaaay, i'm almost done building my lil stereographic projection in c++ :D
i definitely learned a ton along the way, especially after such a long time only coding in python in preparation for my finals.
i guess my next project is connecting it to github.com/frogfile/stlcat lol
feels like a fun c/cxx interop study. first i'll have to restructure it into a library though. anyway, slow progress is better than no progress at all :3
so, we talked about stuff and they were very supportive and comforted me through my immense anxiety.
it was really fucking scary openly talking about this face-to-face with someone for the first time in my life but they helped me feel accepted and valid. the last time we had talked about this my egg didn't fully crack yet, so i wasn't completely honest with them OR myself.
this time it was much MUCH scarier but they supported me and now i'm FULLY out to them.
after so many years of internalized transphobia i am so fucking glad i made this step and i can't be grateful enough to them for hearing me out.
today the only person i'm out to mundanely said "you're not a girl tho". we were just chatting about some unrelated stuff, they almost immediately said sorry, but for some reason it hit so fucking hard.
i don't blame them, they didn't mean it at all, but just the realization that even the single person i trust doesn't (and might never) think of me as one just fucked me up a lil.
AGAIN! they didn't want to be mean! i trust them for a reason.
idk maybe i'm overthinking. just wanted to share ig, maybe there are ppl on here who know what to think.
today the only person i'm out to mundanely said "you're not a girl tho". we were just chatting about some unrelated stuff, they almost immediately said sorry, but for some reason it hit so fucking hard.
i don't blame them, they didn't mean it at all, but just the realization that even the single person i trust doesn't (and might never) think of me as one just fucked me up a lil.
AGAIN! they didn't want to be mean! i trust them for a reason.
idk maybe i'm overthinking. just wanted to share ig, maybe there are ppl on here who know what to think.
in my experuence posting your works on social media is always fun. i picked up blender as a hobby with no experience at all and even my dumb little beginner models got some compliments. as for keeping the hobby alive, maybe several small projects in succession instad of a single big one? then you're more likely to get something finished and keep going. idk, hope this helps :3
i've just learned that at least one of my girl friends is gonna wear a suit too. it kinda makes me feel better :> hope your cheering won't go in vain, thank you so much <3
oh, you're right, i ought to learn to style my hair properly anyway. never tried makeup, but a little would be nice. totally should sneak in a pride flag somewhere too. (ppl here have no idea abt flags). thank you <3