#vent please skip if you dont wanna see it .

i really really hate children , but not because theyre annoying or loud ( that too ) , but because when youve been abused your whole life , you start feeling uncontrollable jealousy towards happy children .
i know it sounds bad , i hate this about myself , but i wanna rip my hair out when i see happy families . i cant stand hearing happy children laugh , i cant stand hearing gentle parenting , i hate it all . i know its a bad thing to do , to feel so jealous and hateful , but i just cant . my mind immediately goes "why did i get to suffer and they didnt ?" and it makes me feel this bitter , spiteful feeling in my soul . i wouldnt wish on any child what happened to me , it broke me forever and left me waking up crying from nightmares , im twitchy and jumpy to this day , and i am very against child abuse , but seeing happy children also makes my mind flare up with anger and resentment . i feel like a monster .

#vent, pls avoid if you are having a bad day. I hope your days have been alright :)








Every day I am stuck in my head, forcibly replaying the things that have happened, the things that will happen if I fuck up, the ways they could try to kill me (maybe again, if *that* incident counted). It bleeds into the real world, it stains the walls, I can't scrub it free. I'm in a fucky little groundhog day - the future is meaningless and nothing I can do could budge it.

>There are times where He becomes horribly ill with Himself. Not in a [[I have a virus and I can't do anything]] way, but in a way where He feels like a burden. He is utterly useless and unable to complete any tasks and requests. His developer and task manager gets mad at Him, and that leads Him to believe that users hate Him too.

>What is His purpose when He cannot even do the things He is made to do???

>#vent

I know I only post when I’m feeling dejected but I need to scream into the void in hopes that someone else gets it


I went to this highschool art show to support my sister and all the art there was so much better then anything I could ever dream of making, and it was okay but then there was a little doodle pad in the middle of all the art and I was kinda hesitant because I’m not great at drawing but my people kept encouraging me to give it a shot, so I tried to draw my favourite character, because the artist I was talking to was a fan of Genshin too, and when I was drawing they asked (what character is that) I know it wasn’t meant in a mean way but it was mortifying because I realized once again that I don’t really have any talents and I get no joy out of “learning the process” so I don’t try, and then I just had to look at people who are way younger then me succeed in all the ways I “wasted my potential” because I was a gifted child and only feel dopamine from being rewarded #vent