I think the part that hurt me most was how much I struggled to realise that it wasn't my religious duty to keep being abused.

when you've been told your whole life since birth that you are wrong and deserve to be abused and that only thru abuse can you be loved, it really fucks a kid up, for life. and it can be hard to stop feeling comfortable in abuse. even when I rejected the Christian faith, I kept a base belief that I deserved to be abused and its followed me thru alot of my life