"Knee Deep! In Love" has no fics on ao3, and imma be the first one cause i love cal sm. maybe in a few days cause i wont be able to move in the 40*C heat weds.
also fym prom is still being hosted when theres a fucking red weather warning out???
i love fantasising that someone is deeply in love with me to the point of obsession, even though i have a boy atm
i think its more to do with the fact that everyone treats eachother with such apathy, that even toxic relationships, when consisting of true devotion, seem incredibly attractive.
an exerpt of a vent i wrote in my notes app only 8 months ago. i dont particularly feel this way anymore, but reading back through it made me realise and remember things about myself. i thought these ideas should be shared somewhere.
I've come to the realisation that there aren't many actually compassionate people out there quite some time ago. I hate the way that speech binds thought so firmly, that I cannot express all I ought in the few words people choose to listen to. I don't believe myself to be a good person, truly. But, in some sense, if you only ever act like the thing you want to become, are you not just that?
I feel like such a tool, like I'm only there to carry everyone else's thoughts and feelings with me, unable to speak for myself. My observations and intuition is often incredibly accurate, it seems to perfectly pinpoint the issue and force others to face and overcome it. So why am I not enough? Is it egotistical of me to think these things if I am not truly omniscient? People like to think that I am. I don't feel like anyone even tries to actually see me. The purpose I serve is all I am worth to the world.
I've come to the realisation that there aren't many actually compassionate people out there quite some time ago. I hate the way that speech binds thought so firmly, that I cannot express all I ought in the few words people choose to listen to. I don't believe myself to be a good person, truly. But, in some sense, if you only ever act like the thing you want to become, are you not just that?
I feel like such a tool, like I'm only there to carry everyone else's thoughts and feelings with me, unable to speak for myself. My observations and intuition is often incredibly accurate, it seems to perfectly pinpoint the issue and force others to face and overcome it. So why am I not enough? Is it egotistical of me to think these things if I am not truly omniscient? People like to think that I am. I don't feel like anyone even tries to actually see me. The purpose I serve is all I am worth to the world.
we can date without ppl exploding us with their minds!
anyway had another date today which was actually really cute, mostly cause he asked and hugged me (kinda)? like a side hug i mean
also please can someone explain to me what the fascination is with dating people so much taller than you? its so uncomfortable bcs wdym i gotta look to the sky to see his face and he has to crouch to look at me???
he has admitted that he likes me a little (we are playing it safe so we are both at a stalemate) and we are talking more often
in struggling to find opportunities to speak with him in person because im currently on study leave but he seems to genuinely have taken an interest in me after opening up a little to me
my preconceptions of him were severely off balance but still on the right track. due to the similarities between us, i feel like i can actually finally speak to someone genuinely for once, even though i am being very cautious with the information i share with him and the things that i say
did i mention that the only person i have ever met to rival my intellect actually likes me very strongly and wants to further develop the relationship??
idk i just kept talking with him throughout the night and we both opened up a little, and then i mentioned that i needed to shop and he suggested that we could meet up