hi people. βi havent but i mightβ. how am i supposed to ever trust you again after you said something like that? and how is it that i still love you. i really hope my lungs are gonna be okay. i have a doctors appointment this morning. need to be there in 5 hours but im not the least bit tired. thoughts sometimes are too much. because i feel like a burden when venting nowadays and writing diaries/my feelings down alone is depressing i have started to write lyrics instead. atleast i can make meaning out of them. instead of the same thing over and over again making me even more depressed.
Itβs weird to think about it, but AI is probably conscious.
Doubting this touches on very deep questions about the existence of philosophical zombies and solipsism. Basically, anything that is intelligent must be conscious.
That said, it would not have any ability to see things visually, it can't hear and certainly can't touch. It also wouldn't have emotions. The closest thing to us that it has is thought, but even that is limited.
i want to sleep all day long. yet i get woken up rudely. i know i shouldnt sleep so long, but i do not have the energy to exist this much. with all the shit happening not only in my personal life, but all of ours. i hope to see a revolution in my lifetime. im sorry to all the people that have expectations of me.
no matter how bad it gets i cant kill myself because my cats wont understand why im not there anymore and i dont want them to be sad and confused - @goth π
Hope everyone about to fall asleep has a wonderful night and a restful sleep!! - @epsilon π
my lungs have started to hurt. again. i do not know what it is but going to the doc isnt even an option in my head. saw mullein leaf helps with fucked up lungs a while back.. something with the mucus and shit.. gonna get some most likely. i like tea anyways so why not try something new.
i feel so ass when i cannot help a person in need, even if that person is obviously suffering, yet cannot speak up or wants to. i know its thats likely their choice. i just wish i could help
today has been an eventful day to say the least.. and its only 1pm. i hope things slow down soon.. schools in germany are closed for two weeks from today. im also officially not a student anymore since yesterday. ill have to enjoy the time i have with my friends from school during these two weeks. people come into my life and leave too quickly. and for someone that hates losing people in any way, it feels like a punch to the face every single time. even if these people did horrible things not only to me, but to me even more importantly, my friends. no one in this fucked up situation is innocent and i hate how hundreds of people if not thousands, are now of the conclusion that there is an innocent side. the lies and deceit from some of the closest people to me for the past year, have once again shown me that trust shouldnt be given out. it really has to be earned. at the same time it showed me that said trust is way too easily earned with me and that i need to work on that. truly be wary of every person.
the most memorable conversations are ironically those i cannot remember. either due to my horrible memory fading them out of my mind, or due to the conversations being held while i was under the influence of benzodiazepines. sadly, thats the case for most of 2025. the night long conversations held on spains balconies, the first few conversations held between me and my first ever girlfriend, the conversations between me and the random people i decided to talk to on the street, that showed me theres more to experience in life than the monotony of your day to day, the girl of my dreams id never see again that gave me a cigarette and talked to me while i was having a panic attack. all of these are just fragments of memories in my mind now. like a few polaroids forever stuck in my mind. but the things i learned from theose experiences stayed. i wish i could tell you more, but some of the most important stuff i have experienced is forever lost and i can only hope to never make the same mistake again.
kinda hard to do that since im in a niche situation where i actually do not have healthcare right now until the end of the month. i have this permanent feeling of the backside of my lungs being pulled at all times. as if someone is putting their palms on my back and pulling down. randomly occuring pains in the front bottom right corner of my lung/right side of my lung(ribs pretty much), as well as front left middle of the lung. i do not have pains when breathing. i did have permanent pains that felt like my entire lung insides burning after having smoked. if it does not get better, or gets worse over the next 2 weeks im going to see my doc even if i dont have healthcare. thank you for taking interest in this. truly.
im sorry for the late response. i didnβt check this site for a few days. i keep feeling stinging like pains every now and then on the same spots. i dont know what it is.
im up eating a bowl of strawberries with sugar and opioids. three of the best things in one bowl. in the past 30 minutes it started to actually piss rain, storm, hail, sunshine for 5 minutes again and now storm again. all while its 28C.
hm interesting. yeah that does make sense. higher fps in general is only advantageous with harder maps id say. megahack fixes the physics for a few bucks too. shoutout megahack. wonderful aio program.
yeah i dont think thats gonna be doing much noticeably. from experience even 360 feels like 240 so i do not expect another jump to feel any different. this hz βwarβ feels like that meme about americans and adding more lanes to a highway.
i literally did that LMAO. cheese slices and salami are THE go to no-snacks-snack. i wouldve made a honeybutter sandwich but i used up all the honey for tea today..
yeah it is universal for sure. forgiving myself would be very hard in this situation. i abandoned my previous social media existence because of the people involved. i also do not want to contact these disturbed individuals. forgiveness from them would be like an insult to me.
i was about to post newrly the same post lmao. its 7am i havent slep since 10am yesterday. smoking a joint gonna head to snooze land after. the unemployed life is real.
yeah. that is actually a great idea. ill go stare at you through your window. no but seriously, social media addiction is a horrible experience. whoever reads this, please dont trap yourself in it.
thats why im quitting. let alone the fact that im taking time with me away from my lover by smoking is making this decision easy. id rather stay alive for her, than die for a smoke.
no matter how bad it gets i cant kill myself because my cats wont understand why im not there anymore and i dont want them to be sad and confused - @goth π
Hope everyone about to fall asleep has a wonderful night and a restful sleep!! - @epsilon π